The Teenage Years, or "What Happened to My Kid?"
The ever-changing behavior associated with the adolescent years is an acknowledged parenting challenge. Obedient, thoughtful, sensitive young people may change into rebellious, selfish, disrespectful human beings...and sometimes it happens overnight! Parents of teenagers need to be aware that this type of change is not unusual, and that there are survival strategies and coping techniques that can be very helpful during these turbulent teen years.
Your teen is changing!
Children between the ages of 11 and 20 are beginning to shift their attention from pleasing others to thinking mostly about themselves. Their search for independence and freedom plays a big part in the development of their personalities and guides their behavior. They are shifting from being totally dependent on their family to receiving acceptance and identity from their peers. In fact, their dependence on peers often occurs before their search for identity is complete. This is why paying close attention to your teen's friends is critically important.
Add to this their growing bodies and raging hormones, and it is no small wonder why parents of teens experience many challenging situations.
What's a parent to do?
As much as you might like to continue making decisions for your teen and expect total obedience and conformity from him, this is not the time in your child's life to assume complete control over it. As a caring, supportive parent, you need to encourage independence, but still provide limits and rules to follow. This style of parenting is often referred to as authoritative.
Authoritative parents are warm and nurturing to their teen, encourage decision-making and accept their child's opinion in the many discussions that occur. Making mistakes and accepting consequences will teach your teen valuable lessons. Being too protective or overbearing will not enhance his ability to become a successful adult. By creating a balance between letting go and holding on, your teen will gain positive self-esteem and become a more socially and emotionally competent person.
Is this normal?
Many times, it can be difficult to determine if your teen is going through normal adolescent development or if something more serious is occurring. While most teens get through these years without the need for intervention, some experience more severe emotional problems. Review the following list and if five or more of these symptoms are present, consider seeking professional counseling for your teen:
- Prolonged periods of depression (2 weeks or longer)
- Expressed sense of gloom, helplessness, hopelessness
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Excessive bouts of anger
- Recurring thoughts about death or suicide
- Preoccupation with death (music, stories, morbid poetry)
- Physically abuses own body (self-inflicted cuts and bruises)
- Reduced pleasure or interest in all or most activities
- Drastic change in choice of friends
- Problems thinking, concentrating, making decisions
- Significant change in weight or appetite
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Engaging in risky behaviors, accidents, heavy alcohol or drug use
Your local mental health agency or Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can help you locate a professional counselor. In some cases, family counseling might also be appropriate. If your teen resists seeing a counselor, please consider making an appointment with a family services professional. These symptoms may also be an indicator that your teen is using illegal substances. It is crucial that you take action if you believe your teen is at risk of harming herself in any way.
It's not all bad!
The good news is that most teens (and parents!) get through these years with no permanent damage. It's good to remember that as his parent, you are helping your teen recognize and manage his or her emotions, responsibilities, opportunities, and future. You and your teen will be successful if you do the following:
- Keep a healthy sense of humor.
- Show love and respect for your teen.
- Give him opportunities to grow, to dream and to fail.
- Reward positive behavior.
- Provide guidance and appropriate discipline.
- Respect your teen's need for privacy and independence.
- Create an accepting, nurturing home environment.
- Believe in your teen. These are some of the most exciting years of his life!
Workplace Options. (Reviewed 2024). What happened to my kid? Raleigh, NC: Author.